oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
