If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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