The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
