I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
a search helicopter?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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