is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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