I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
