why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
