I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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