shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
