who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
