I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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