I only kidnapped one of them. chill
zippers are such a cool invention
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
