he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
