Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
