Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
