This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
