dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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