peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
