I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
