I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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