but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
