I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
