i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the condom got lost in my hair
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
