Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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