I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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