i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
