How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
