i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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