My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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