Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know her cup size but not her name....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
