my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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