Having a random hookup so left but love u
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
