I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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