how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
