Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
