okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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