I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
