What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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