he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
