zippers are such a cool invention
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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