We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a beard to bite.
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