I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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