I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
