Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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