If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
