i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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