I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
