the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
