we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
