i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
