I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
