those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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