What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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