Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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