i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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