I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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