guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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