That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
