Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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