Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
